Ending a Bad Relationship

The other night I watched the Jack Nicholson-Diane Keaton romantic comedy, ‘Something's Gotta Give' for the third time. I wondered what I liked about the movie that motivated me to watch it so many times.

Sure the writing and the acting is first rate, the locations are spectacular and seeing Jack Nicholson in a comedic role is always a treat and Keanu Reeves is a pleasure to look at.

And I finally figured out what was so great. How the characters played by Nicholson and Keaton handled the break up of their brief, intense, highly charged and unusual (for both of them) relationship.

They felt something they may not have felt before and it impacted them in ways that encouraged them to make major changes in their lives.

What they felt was love. And then they both felt the accompanying pain when love doesn't fit into the structure we think it should.

She turned her pain into creativity and wrote a funny play about their relationships.

He decided to clean up his life and jumped on a plane to Paris to find her.

It's so fabulous what pain can spark in our lives.

You can blast off into a new dimension.

What do you do when a relationship ends? What do you do with the pain, the grief and the power of those emotions?

PAIN IS POWERFUL

Pain can be a great motivator. After all it lets us know we're alive. It keeps us awake. And crying can be so cleansing for the soul. That deep crying that leaves you exhausted and yet in touch at a deep level with your truth.

Do you notice how sensitive you are to your feelings and the feelings of others when you realize you're in love and it doesn't look like it will work out? The pain that hits you in the stomach and leaves you feeling so vulnerable.

From that place ­ that vulnerable place ­ comes your truth, your compassion, and best of all, feeling love. Really feeling it.

When my clients break up from any relationship, let's stick to a romantic one here, I help them process their pain and then help them learn so much about themselves.

It often looks to other people like they were crazy to have dated that person, crazy to have fallen in love with that person. Couldn't they see that person was so wrong for them?

Friends don't want to see you hurting. But somewhere deep inside yourself you know the truth. That feeling love like this is a good thing ­ even the pain for a short period of time.

LIVING YOUR LIFE

Feeling love let's you know you're alive. You didn't sit on the sidelines watching other people live their lives; you got out there and lived yours.

Sure it hurts when a relationship doesn't work out. But whose standards are you using for ‘it didn't work out?'

Not everyone we meet and date can or even should be our spouse. And what's so wrong with finding out that you love someone with all your heart and soul and they aren't the person you want to marry and live with forever?

Does that in any way negate the love, the connection? NO! Why does every relationship have to be a serious committed one?

Doesn't each person we are with teach us something wonderful? Something valuable? YES!! They really do. Look deeper.

Don't go into ‘poor me' or ‘untrusting woman' or ‘pitiful guy' mode! Please do nurture yourself but don't go into victim and shut down. That is not the purpose of any relationship.

Our heroine in the movie realized she could enjoy male company, young and old. She became wildly creative and alive. She was already successful and became even more so. And she came alive as a woman!

Our hero learned he did have a desire to be with a woman who understood him, was at his level and was his soul mate. Pretty powerful for a confirmed bachelor. He learned to cry, to feel, to love.

So if you've just broken up with someone or vice versa, please allow yourself a few days or weeks to grieve. Nurture yourself.

Then with all that vulnerability, truth and love look, to see what you've just learned. What wonderful thing came from that relationship? Can you still be friends and do things together? Maybe, maybe not. You'll know.

Don't take your pain out on your friends, co-workers, family or pets.

Do put the power of that energy to work for you. That energy is so powerful. It can be constructive. You can use it to create, to contribute, to serve, to Set Your Spirit Free.

Choose to be open, alive, vulnerable and trusting and get back out there again to live and love. Let all that love in your heart overflow. You don't have to get back into a relationship and you will be so glad when you do something wonderful and constructive with the love in your heart.

Make a contribution to your life and to others. Blast off! Set your spirit free!

You are love. Feel it, live it, give it.